something that bothers me.

something irritates me every now and then.. i'm sure that's one of the reasons i was diagnosed with PTSD from my psychologist. how in the hell did my mom just expect to get away with holding ME in front of HER while my dad was kicking her (from my dream flashbacks- it was just in a nonchalant fashion trying to show my dad why he should calm down when he was angry and violent but also as a SHIELD to shield him from kicking her). i find it kind of weird because my flashbacks are not from MY VIEW (my perspective since I am the one witnessing it).. it's like showing the whole picture of me being held up by my mom in front of my dad while he's kicking her when i was like 4 and i was helpless and naive (i really didn't know what was going on except for my narcissistic mother purposely bringing me into a quarrel between her and my dad because no one seemed to really care when it was just between her and my dad- so she figured if she brought me into it, people might actually give a shit).. nice- a mother that cares about her daughter so much she'd risk her daughter's well-being just to save HERSELF. any other parent that actually cares about their child would try their hardest to remove their child from getting hurt- EVEN IF IT MEANT SACRIFICING THEMSELVES. my mom? NOOO. i was truthfully reminded of this shit when i had my last surgery and a dream i had reminiscing it. kinda like God was trying to show me why i was going through what i was going through. the spawn of satan is not gonna get away with this shit. i figured out that's probably why she is where she is just barely scraping by in life. that's more than likely why she doesn't come across opportunities in life to excel. besides- she's convinced she's too disabled to do anything, so she doesn't feel like she has to try! you know what that's called? LAZY. go get your flying monkeys to lie for you and defend you but it's NOT gonna bring me down to your level. cling to fat amy or your flying monkey niece. i'm getting as FAR as i can from you because you don't wanna see me progress in life- your selfish ass figures she should cling to me since misery loves company. get it from your other daughter. i didn't ask to be your daughter. stop making it worse for me. it's sad because when i told jay about my dreams of you holding me in front of our dad- the first thing he said was, "yeah.. that sounds like something mom would do." because even he experienced your narcissism growing up (i'm sure it was worse for him since he's your least favorite child since he's a boy). he told me a story about how you yelled at him when amy's dad almost poked his eye out when we were younger. you're quite possibly the worst mom in history and I GET DAMNED ENOUGH TO HAVE YOU AS MY MOM! talk about shitty luck. OHHH.. i've only had to have at least two surgeries because of your selfish ass! show me some other kid who had to have surgery on their bowels TWICE because their mom held them in front of their dad while he was kicking them and i'll change my mind. bet your flying monkeys never had their mom hold them in front of their dad while he was kicking them. i don't even want anything to do with your negative ass anymore. you can always manage to find something to bitch about. my friends that read my blog and just jump to the conclusion that i'm overexaggering this anger.. has YOUR mom ever held YOU in front of your dad while he was kicking her? if not- i'm not interested on your thoughts or feelings about this. if you had ANY respect or care for me- you'd empathize and see things from MY point of view. not just because you've never had to experience a parent doing horrible, SELFISH things like this to their own daughter. so you assume she's not capable of anything this stupid, selfish, and careless. i wish i was lying but my body doesn't let me get over it- with all the damn surgeries i've had to have on my abdominal organs/bowel. I'M PROBABLY NOT DONE! I'M PROBABLY BOUND TO SHIT IN A COLOSTOMY BAG SINCE MY PARENTS ARE SELFISH ASS PRICKS! *claps* the thing that really peels my grill is that my selfish ass mom has NEVER once brought this situation up to me. she's probably ashamed of her stupidity and doesn't have any excuse for it. she didn't even see how i was doing the last time i had surgery on my bowel. NOBODY but JOE checked on me in the hospital (he even video chatted with me to see how i was doing). so staying in this state really doesn't matter to my family except they care that it makes them look like a bad family since their own family member doesn't wanna stay in the same state as them. people obviously DON'T give a fuck about my living situation or i guarantee you if they did- they'd be trying to get me out of this state for my own well-being. amanda realizes this reality and is taking advantage of it by not assisting me. "what about how your mom took care of you after your car accident?" THAT WAS BECAUSE MY GRANDMA MADE HER. she can't take responsibility for that because i remember MANY times when i heard her whining to my grandma about taking care of me. she even left me at her house ALONE when i was WHEELCHAIR BOUND just to go to the bar and play pool with her little boyfriend carlos. so can it with that bright idea of a defense for her neglect, flying monkey. PLUS, last i knew- that was basically the responsibility of a CARING PARENT- taking care of your kids when they were sick or injured. she should've just stuck to having dogs.. she'd probably ACTUALLY take care of them.